The Reset Was Just the Beginning!
How I Reclaimed My Confidence, Identity & Self-Worth After Years of People-Pleasing
Real talk: I didn’t become confident overnight. But this was the moment everything began to change.
The Wake-Up Call I Couldn’t Ignore
People used to tell me I seemed confident.
But inside, I was stuck in survival mode, running on autopilot, saying yes when I meant no, constantly over-giving, and ignoring that quiet inner whisper saying, “This isn’t working.”
I was a professional people-pleaser. And that story began in childhood.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s, like many girls, I was conditioned with messages like:
“Be a good girl.”
“Don’t ask for too much.”
“Prince Charming will come and save you.”
“Just be grateful for what you’ve got.”
This generational scripting trained me to serve, smile, and settle, especially in relationships. I internalised the belief that wanting more for myself made me selfish or ungrateful. So I stayed in situations that didn’t serve me… for far too long!
Confidence wasn’t missing, it was buried under layers of conditioning, fear, and outdated beliefs.
The Shift: I Didn’t Need to Reinvent Myself. I Needed to Reset.
I didn’t want a huge reinvention. I didn’t have the energy.
I just wanted to feel a little more like myself again. A little braver. A little more grounded. A little more free.
So I began with one gentle intention:
✨ 7 days. 7 tiny shifts.
What happened next was the beginning of everything.
My 7-Day Confidence Reset (What It Looked Like in Real Life)
Every day, I did just one small thing - supported by nature, rituals, and reflection. These weren’t perfect steps, but they were powerful.
Day 1: I Paused.
I stopped rushing. I sat with myself and asked:
“What do I need today?”
This moment of stillness shifted everything.
Day 2: I Rewrote an Old Story.
I caught myself thinking, “I’m not good enough to…” and paused.
Then I asked, “Whose voice is that?”
It wasn’t mine. It was a patchwork of messages stitched together from childhood — Be a good girl. Don’t ask for too much. Be happy with your lot. That story had kept me small for years!!
So I started choosing a new one.
That shift was sparked, in part, by the book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers — a total game-changer. Her message? You don’t have to wait for confidence to take action. Courage comes first.
I also began reading The Disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker, which cracked open the truth about how deeply ingrained my people-pleasing was — not just as a habit, but as an identity I’d unknowingly inherited. Her book gave language to the things I’d carried silently for years, and offered practical ways to untangle myself from them.
These books were part of my reset - they helped me rewrite my inner script, one page and belief at a time.
Walking with Betty in Devon.
Day 3: I Moved My Body.
Nothing fancy. Just a walk through Thorncombe Woods or along the Dorset coast with my dog, Betty.
Green and blue therapy.
Simple movement. Big shift.
Day 4: I Spoke Kindly to Myself.
I turned down the inner critic and practiced self-coaching.
Books like Mel Robbins’ The 5 Second Rule (which I first discovered through her viral TED talk, watch on YouTube) helped me act before I talked myself out of it. It gave me tools to act in 5 seconds — not spiral.
That one tool got me out from under the duvet more times than I can count!
Day 5: I Said No.
Saying no felt like a revolution — especially after years of people-pleasing and unhealthy relationship patterns.
Reading It’s Not You by Dr. Ramani Durvasula helped me understand how to recognise and heal from narcissistic relationships, not just romantic ones, but also toxic friendships and family dynamics. This book gave me language for my pain and showed me that I wasn’t broken, I had been surrounded by people who benefited from me staying small.
So I decided to protect my energy, set a boundaries. And the world didn’t end!
This was huge for me!
Day 6: I Did Something Just For Me.
No productivity. No people-pleasing. Just joy.
I brewed a coffee, opened a book, and let my dog Betty snooze beside me.
But the real shift? I began creating small rituals that felt luxurious, even on a tight budget.
I remembered the joy I used to feel walking into a beautiful spa - the scent, the calm, the stillness. I couldn’t afford regular massages at the time, but I discovered I could recreate that same feeling at home.
That’s when I fell in love with candles.
A single scent could transport me. I started using NEOM candles - because they reminded me I was worthy of care and calm, even in my own space.
I’d light one in the evening, sink into soft clothes (my yoga leggings and baggy tee), and just be.
And here’s what I realised:
When I made my environment feel calm and safe, even if it was just one room — my nervous system responded in kind.
I felt calmer. Safer. More regulated.
Your space matters, and how it feels can shift your entire state.
We’ll talk more about creating nervous system-supportive spaces in a future blog post - but for me, it started with a scent, a soft space, and permission to rest.
Day 7: I Reflected.
I wasn’t suddenly fearless. But I was steadier. Clearer. More me.
And that was everything!
The Moment I Truly Saw Myself Differently
Years later — after doing this work, qualifying as a Life Coach and NLP Practitioner - I was interviewed on a podcast called Raw Chatter.
Listening back, I felt emotional.
Hearing myself talk about what I’d overcome made me cry - not out of sadness, but recognition.
That younger version of me?
She had done incredibly well, using the only tools she had: “Be nice. Serve others. Be glad for what you’ve got.”
She wasn’t broken.
She just didn’t know better.
And she survived — until she was ready to thrive.
That moment helped me forgive her.
To thank her.
And to love myself harder than ever before.
🎧 Watch the Raw Chatter podcast here → How I Reclaimed My Confidence
It took longer than 7 days. But that was the spark that lit the way back to myself.
Confidence isn’t about being loud!
It’s about being real!
Being honest!
Being true to who you are!
And that starts with a reset.
This Book Really Flipped Things For Me!
One book that completely flipped the script for me was Prince Charming Isn’t Coming by Barbara Stanny.
After years of being told to wait for my knight in shining armour, I realised the message I actually needed to hear was this:
💭 I was more than enough to save myself.
I didn’t need rescuing. I didn’t need fixing. I didn’t need someone else to make me whole.
All I truly needed was me.
It would take years before I really grasped that message — but reading this book planted the seed. And slowly, I began to shift.
I’ll be sharing more about this part of my journey — and what it means to Be My Own Boyfriend — in an upcoming blog post, so keep an eye out. It’s one I think every woman needs to read. 💛Want to Begin Your Own Confidence Reset?
If this resonated with you, I’ve created a free 7-Day Confidence Reset — inspired by my journey.
It’s gentle. Supportive. And full of tools to help you reconnect with your self-worth — one small step at a time.
🧡 What you’ll get:
7 short daily videos
Printable workbook
Confidence-boosting rituals
A fresh start rooted in compassion
🎁 Click here to join the free 7-Day Reset
Reading has always been a passion of mine, and The Disease to Please has been a real eye-opener.
The Books That Changed Me
These books walked beside me as I healed. They deserve a special place here:
The 5 Second Rule – Mel Robbins
➡️ Helped me act before fear shut me down.
The Disease to Please – Harriet B. Braiker
➡️ Made me realise I wasn’t alone in my chronic overgiving.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway – Susan Jeffers
➡️ Gave me the courage to leave toxic relationships.
It’s Not You – Dr. Ramani Durvasula
➡️ Helped me understand and recover from narcissistic abuse.
Prince Charming Isn’t Coming – Barbara Stanny
➡️ Showed me I didn’t need rescuing — I could save myself.
I also took solace in daily rituals, like journaling, walking outdoors, and box breathing to soothe my nervous system and calm the fight-or-flight reflex.
🕯️🌿 Your Healing-at-Home Essentials
These little items made a big difference to my environment and nervous system:
🌱 Starter Yoga Kit – mat, blocks, strap
🕯️ NEOM Candle – for calm and grounding
🧘♀️ Yoga Leggings – these were my 1st yoga pants and they’re still going strong!
📓 Journal + Pilot Pen Set – I’m a bit obsessed with these Pilot pens, they rub out cleanly so I can change my mind (again!) and still keep my journal looking lovely. Because messy thoughts don’t have to mean messy pages!
When the outside world felt too loud, these tools brought me home to myself.
Final Thoughts 💛
Confidence isn’t about making huge leaps overnight. It’s about the tiny, intentional steps you take each day — the ones that slowly add up to a freer, braver, more empowered you.
If you’re ready to start your own reset this season, you don’t have to do it alone.
✨ Begin with my free 7-Day Confidence Reset, where small daily shifts will help you quiet self-doubt and reconnect with your inner strength.
🍂 And if you’re ready to go deeper, my Autumn Confidence Reset Coaching Package is designed to give you the tools, support, and accountability to step fully into this next season of your life with clarity and resilience.
Because this wasn’t just a reset — it was a quiet return to the woman I’d forgotten.
And she was never lost… just waiting to be heard, loved, and chosen. 🌿
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means that if you click through and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I’m part of the Amazon Associates program, and your support helps me keep creating free content.
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🔗 Browse more articles and tools to help you start your next chapter with confidence. Click here to explore.
With love,
Nicky ❤️
